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Trying to sit with myself, high or not, was unbearable. The feelings that came up were the reason I used. For years I had been running from myself.
“Today I have something to say. I’ve been lying the whole time.” His voice lowered to almost a whisper, “I’ve been taking pills the whole time and keeping it a secret.”
With sobriety, my fear of getting fat was back.
When he’d fall asleep I’d go to the Murphy bed walk in closet, crouch down, reach my hand into the pocket of my red raincoat and take out a white baggie of crystals. Crush. Snort, snort
Every time I wanted to steal I’d think of that lady putting a steak in her purse.
“I am not here to make excuses for my behavior, but I wanted to be honest with you and own up to what I did.”
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